📌 AN INTRO TO "LEAD BY EXAMPLE"📌 EXAMPlE 01. SOMETIMES FEEDBACK ISN'T THE ANSWERWELCOME TO THE NEWSLETTER
Given that this is the first edition of Cohd's monthly newsletter, I wanted to provide some context about the motivation and inspiration behind it.
I spend hours each week working with managers to build and refine their leadership toolkits. In our weekly team practices, the first item on our agenda is what I refer to as 'Lead by Example.'
This is a dedicated space for participants to bring live tensions or questions to the group and receive perspective and coaching both from myself and their peers. It's one of the most valuable portions of our programs because it leaves room for nuance and allows participants to debate their options and apply what they're learning.
Personally, this is where so much of my learning happens. I get to hear what leaders really think and understand the complexities behind what they face on a daily basis.
My hope is that this newsletter will be a space to share these insights (as well as, on occasion, article recommendations and Cohd updates).
For my Elevate graduates— Hopefully this can serve as a mini refresher each month. You can be reminded of the different tools you've been exposed to and continue to learn from others' experiences.
For Other Leaders— See this as a window into the types of situations your people may be contemplating and managing— and possibly as an introduction to some new tools or approaches.
EXAMPLE 01— SOMETIMES FEEDBACK ISN'T THE ANSWER
The Situation
"One thing I've been pondering lately is the art of discerning when to give feedback and when to let things slide. Perhaps it's my years of marriage speaking, but after a decade, I've realized that sometimes it's best to let things go. As I transition back into a management role, I'm grappling with the question of what issues warrant feedback.
For instance, I had a direct report who was in charge of updating the data in a deck before an upcoming meeting. Twenty minutes before the meeting, I saw that the changes hadn't been made, so I hopped in and made them. My team member sent me a message before the meeting began, saying, 'Thanks so much for taking care of the data for me! I was planning to get on and get that updated.'
So, on one hand, it was only one instance, and she was planning to get it done. On the other hand, I would like to know if I should give her feedback. Is that too much for such a minor incident?"
— ElevateX Participant
The Solution
In a situation like this, context is everything.
Is this one instance in a pattern of similar behavior? If so, a more formal S.O.S. feedback approach is in order.
In this specific situation, that wasn't the case. But this manager was in charge of a relatively new team, and she didn't want moments like this to become the norm either.
So, we decided she could take a proactive approach moving forward by requesting more specific committed actions from her team. In a committed action, an effective request addresses who, what, and when.
For instance— Instead of simply asking her team member to update the presentation, she could ask her to have the new data uploaded by Tuesday at 9 a.m.
Why did we choose this approach?
It felt the most fair. Her team member hadn't technically done anything wrong. The manager would have loved the work done sooner, but no clear expectation was set, so delivering constructive feedback felt a bit heavy-handed.
It allows the manager to take ownership. In a perfect world, everyone on our team operates how we do. In reality, as people leaders, we have to learn to communicate our expectations and values. Over time and repetition, these will become implied. But, if you're working with a new team or a new team member, specific committed actions can go a long way in proactively avoiding misalignment.
MY THOUGHTS
This situation touches on one of the most common frustrations I hear from managers— their team members aren't wired the same way they are.
This isn't entirely surprising. Leaders are successful in their roles precisely because they are self-motivated and driven to find solutions. Sometimes, it can be shocking to realize that not everyone operates similarly.
But while it might feel easy, it's important to avoid the trap of labeling or judging members of our team who have different priorities and incentives.
Instead, we want to focus on finding ways to meet folks where they are and offer the support and direction they need to be successful. In this case, that was a more refined committed action request.
OUR REC BY FAST COMPANY
Leadership development is broken. Here’s how to fix it
This article, written by David Rock and Laura Cassiday, outlines how the most commonly used leadership development options are falling short & offers guidance around what effective leadership development can look like.
Want the Cliff Notes?
What's falling short—
In-person retreats: These are great for social learning and building connections but rarely produce sustainable behavior change.
One-on-one coaching: Often more effective at facilitating breakthroughs and creating lasting change, but lacks relationship building and doesn't create organizational cohesion.
Content libraries: They are relatively inexpensive and easy to scale but lack consistency, and the passive format isn't motivating or challenging.
What works—
Social learning: Learning in groups improves our encoding and recall of new information (our brains focus not only on the material but also on who was there, what jokes were made, and how group interactions made us feel), and it also helps us translate this new information into habits.
Emphasizing connection: Group settings also build strong connections between leaders through shared experiences. They create a common language that helps teams communicate and collaborate effectively.
Taking your time: Spacing content over weeks or months builds long-term memories and increases recall.
Questions, comments, or have a situation you'd like support on? Leave a comment!