Common Ground Is Fertile Ground
Why the fastest way through conflict starts with what we share
Our impulse when we’re at odds with someone is often to stand our ground.
Make our case. Win the argument.
It’s easy to fall into the either/or trap: either I’m right or they are. Binary thinking is simple — but it’s also limiting.
In my experience, there’s almost always more common ground than people realize. And common ground is fertile ground. The trick is knowing where to look.
Because here’s the thing: if we can find the common ground, creating a path forward becomes much simpler. But if we try to solve a problem without first establishing alignment, we end up spinning our wheels — talking past each other instead of with each other.
Where to Look
So where is this so-called common ground? I look in two places:
1. Shared values.
If you’ve been through the Elevate program, you’ve heard me say it: values add context. They make our intent clearer.
When we learn to articulate what’s important to us — and ask others what’s most important to them — the overlap often becomes visible. No, we don’t all share the exact same values.
But human values tend to be pretty foundational. They’re the things that shape how we show up, how we work with others, and what we expect in return. And when they’re named out loud, they create understanding. They give context. They help us see the intent behind someone’s words or actions, instead of filling in the blanks with our own assumptions.
2. The bigger picture.
Even when we disagree on tactics, most of us are ultimately chasing a similar outcome. What divides us is rarely the goal itself — it’s how we think we’ll get there.
When you zoom out and co-create an envisioned outcome, the whole dynamic shifts. Suddenly you’re not working against each other; you’re working with each other.
What It Looks Like in Practice
A few months ago, a manager came to me with a tension that was existing on their team. They knew it needed to be addressed, but they weren’t sure where to start.
We got the team together. One instinct may have been to jump straight into the details and try to reach a verdict: Who’s right. Who’s wrong. What needs to happen next.
But that’s not what we did.
Instead, we spent most of the conversation on alignment:
What’s most important to each of you?
What values does this team want to embody?
How do you want this team to operate?
Everyone shared. Together, they created a list of values and outcomes that felt both profound and surprisingly reasonable. Everyone’s contributions were additive, and the envisioned outcome for the team grew.
We had common ground.
The team recognized they were chasing the same things. The specific tension that manager had been so worried about? It was easy to address once the values were on the table. The “next step” practically announced itself — and it wasn’t contentious.
Begin Where We Agree
When we’re in tension with someone, it’s almost impossible to make progress if we’re only speaking from our side of the fence. From that position, every word feels like defense or attack.
The shift is to start in the center of the Venn diagram — with the overlap. The common ground. The shared goals and values. Ask questions that will begin to uncover those. Listen.
Does that mean we’ll agree on everything? Of course not. But it does mean we’ll be more engaged, more creative, and more open once we recognize where we already stand together.
Starting from common ground sows the seeds for working together. It turns “me vs. you” into “us vs. the problem.” And from there, even the hardest conversations become more fruitful.