I was with a participant yesterday, helping her to develop her PDP (Personal Development Practice), when she paused mid-sentence and said, almost half-laughing, “Oh… that’s going to be really uncomfortable.”
And I laughed along with her.
Awesome.
That means we’re on the right track.
In the second half of the Elevate program, everyone defines a PDP. It’s deceptively simple: identify an old habit — a reflexive way of showing up that isn’t fully serving you or the people around you — and pair it with a new habit, a more intentional way you want to respond instead.
The old habit is usually something that once made sense. It likely helped you succeed at some point. It might even still “work” in certain contexts. But under stress, under pressure, in the moments that matter most, it can create friction.
The new habit, on the other hand, almost always feels unnatural at first. Slower. More exposed. More effortful.
Which is why her comment didn’t concern me.
It encouraged me.
Because if behavior change feels seamless, we’re probably not actually changing anything.
What Shows Up Under Pressure
Most of our default patterns show up when we’re under stress. When deadlines tighten. When a stakeholder pushes back. When a teammate misses the mark. That’s when our backhand appears — the instinctive move we reach for without thinking.
Some of us shut down.
Some of us get sharp.
Some of us take over.
Some of us avoid.
We rarely choose those reactions consciously. They’re conditioned. Practiced. Rehearsed over years.
So when someone decides, “Instead of withdrawing, I’m going to speak up,” or “Instead of jumping in with the answer, I’m going to ask a question,” or “Instead of controlling the outcome, I’m going to delegate and tolerate the discomfort,” it should feel uncomfortable.
You’re interrupting muscle memory.
“What Are They Going to Think?”
What I loved about this conversation yesterday was that her discomfort wasn’t about capability. It was about perception.
“What are they going to think?” she asked. “If I start doing this differently?”
That question comes up all the time.
We assume people will be confused. Or skeptical. Or quietly judging.
But here’s the beautiful thing about PDPs: we don’t do them in secret.
We share them.
When you tell your team, “Here’s the habit I’m working on,” you remove the guesswork. When you behave differently, it’s not random — it’s intentional. And instead of people wondering what’s going on, they understand the context.
Even better, they can support you.
This week, I heard from someone who said her manager checks in on her PDP in their weekly 1:1. Not in a performative way. Not as a scorecard. Just enough to keep it front of mind. That small act changes everything. Growth doesn’t drift to the bottom of the to-do list. It stays alive in conversation.
In another team practice, someone flagged for a colleague, “This is usually the point in the year where stress ramps up for you. This might be the moment your old habit wants to kick in.”
And they weren’t wasn’t defensive. They were appreciative.
That’s the unlock.
Don’t Do Growth Alone
Trying to rewire behavior in a vacuum is incredibly hard. Trying to show up differently in the exact moments your nervous system is lit up? Even harder.
But when the people around you know what you’re working on, they can help you notice the moment. They can hold the mirror steady. They can remind you of who you’re trying to become.
And that’s what makes change stick.
Leadership development can sometimes feel tactical — frameworks, meeting structures, question prompts. And those tools matter. They create shared language and clarity.
And the deeper work — the work that actually transforms us — lives here. In the uncomfortable space where someone says, “This is going to be hard for me,” and chooses to do it anyway.
Embodying a growth mindset isn’t just a belief that we can improve. It’s the willingness to tolerate the awkward, effortful middle. The stretch. The friction. The temporary dip in fluency.
It’s choosing discomfort now because you believe the future version of you will operate more effectively, more intentionally, and more generously as a result.
In Practice
So I’ll leave you with this:
When you are under stress and pressure, what is your instinctive move? What’s your backhand?
And if you were to define a new habit — one that feels slightly unnatural but ultimately more aligned with the leader you want to be — what would it be?
And who could you tell, so you don’t have to practice it alone?
Because if it feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
It might just mean you’re growing.
