Nobody Wants to Be a Manager
Lead By Example, September 2024
📌 NOBODY WANTS TO BE A MANAGER📌 EXAMPlE 01. HOW TO GET ONBOARDING RIGHT📌 EXAMPLE 02. TOUGH CONVERSATIONS W EXTERNAL PARTNERSNOBODY WANTS TO BE A MANAGER
I've been thinking about the term "manager" lately. It doesn't exactly conjure an inspiring image. From my perspective, it makes the idea of running a team feel like a series of boxes that need to be checked rather than something genuinely fulfilling.
We manage our schedules and our budgets, but we shouldn't manage our people. They're more than just resources at our disposal to get the job done. If we find ourselves slipping into that headspace, it's a good indicator that we may be ready for a reframe.
I want our program graduates to be "Elevaters"—folks who show up to work and are focused on elevating themselves, their people, and their organizations.
The concept of an Elevater is new and something I'm defining in real time, but I think it encapsulates what we're trying to create at Cohd, and the tools we're teaching.
Elevaters need to coach and challenge, step into tough conversations, be aware of their ego, ask questions, and seek feedback.
That's how you make yourself and your team better.
So, if you find yourself frustrated or stressed and trying to manage your people. I invite you to ask: What can I do to elevate my approach and elevate my team?
EXAMPLE 01— HOW TO GET ONBOARDING RIGHT
The Situation
This week, two new hires started in my department, one of whom is my first direct report. For some reason, I feel that because I've been so busy and have been on so many calls, this wasn't the best start for them or the best moment for someone to join the team. I feel a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure they feel supported.
I feel like I'm not doing them justice or that I'm not training them correctly because I haven't had much time to spend with them. I want to show up for them, but I do have a lot of other responsibilities asking for my time right now.
— ElevateX Participant The Solution
In this situation, we opted to take a two-pronged approach.
Step one was to have a direct conversation with the new team members. Be transparent and discuss the competing priorities, acknowledging that things are chaotic but that this won't be the norm moving forward.
One participant asked a question about whether it was professional to be this straightforward, and I truly believe that in most situations, it's best to err on the side of over-communicating.
We considered this from the standpoint of the new employee: You're in a brand-new environment and have relatively little information about the people, culture, and cadences. You can imagine how easy it would be to climb your ladder and start telling yourself stories.
So, as a manager, proactively filling in the gaps would go a long way in keeping that new team member from making assumptions or feeling confused.
As I always say, we don't expect perfect managers, but it is really refreshing and calming to work alongside self-aware folks. Being on our front foot and acknowledging the imperfections of the moment will humanize us and build credibility and trust.
Step two was to lean into a bite-sized daily rhythm.
This person didn't have hours and hours to dedicate every day to onboarding, but building consistency (especially in the first few weeks when a new employee is getting settled) will help them feel grounded and supported.
It is worth the investment to spend fifteen minutes at the same time each morning recapping the day before, answering questions, and making sure they have direction for the remainder of the day.
EXAMPLE 02— TOUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH AN EXTERNAL PARTNER
The Situation
"My business partner and I have been working with an external partner for the last six months or so. There are a handful of things that haven't landed well and didn't feel professional. We're currently formally wrapping up the relationship for more logistical reasons, but I feel like it's important to share what didn't sit well. I want to be careful, though, because they are well-connected in our space, and I don't want to burn any bridges. We have our last meeting coming up in a few days, and I'm not really sure how to approach it."
— ElevateX ParticipantThe Solution
As this participant and I unpacked the situation, it became clear that there were many complexities and a variety of moments she wanted to address with this external partner. Because of that, scripting S.O.S. feedback felt like an overwhelming approach. It would be tough to script but also difficult to receive.
So, we decided to use the long-form A.A.R. format to bring structure, clarity, and balance to the upcoming meeting.
We spent time really considering and being specific about what did work well during their time working together, in addition to what didn't work well and also offered specific and actionable suggestions for what they could both do differently in the future.
This exercise was important because it forced the participant to challenge her own thinking a bit. As we know, when we feel frustrated by someone, our brain has a funny way of hyper-focusing on everything they do that frustrates us, and, as a result, we don't always give them credit for the good.
Walking into that final meeting with a genuine appreciation for the things that did go right changed the entire dynamic.
The other step in this process was to invite the external partner to participate in the A.A.R. It was important for the participant to send them an e-mail in advance letting them know what the goal and structure of the meeting would be.
This gave the external partner the opportunity to come prepared, contribute to the dialogue, and participate in the review rather than being caught off guard and simply receiving feedback. It also gave the participant an important opportunity to learn and gain perspective.
The meeting proved to be a positive way to wrap up the engagement
Questions, comments, or have a situation you'd like support on? Leave a comment!