Three Great Questions I’ve Been Asked About Feedback Recently
On choosing the right words, knowing when to speak up, and keeping it concise.
If you’ve ever worked with me, you know feedback is one of my favorite topics to teach. I genuinely believe that when done well, feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have to strengthen relationships, accelerate growth, and build trust.
Inside my programs, we spend a lot of time on something I call the S.O.S. Formula—a simple way to script and structure feedback so that:
You set yourself up for success.
The other person can actually hear and absorb it.
The conversation feels fair, human, and digestible.
And whenever I teach feedback, I get a flood of thoughtful questions. So, in this post, I want to answer three I’ve gotten recently.
Q: Are there certain emotion words I should avoid in feedback?
One of the most important parts of feedback is including the subjective impact: how the situation made you feel. Sharing your emotional response humanizes the feedback and gives the other person valuable data about why their actions matter.
So, should you avoid certain words?
Generally, no. Any honest emotion is fair to share—as long as you own it. Say “I felt angry” or “I felt frustrated,” not “You made me angry.”
Where people get tripped up is with “almost emotions.” Words like disrespected sound like feelings, but they carry blame. “I felt disrespected” really means “I don’t think you respected me.” That shifts ownership away from your experience and toward judgment.
Bottom line: choose true emotions, own them, and stay away from words that sneak blame into the conversation.
Q: How do I know if something is worth scripting and delivering as feedback?
A lot of people assume feedback should only be given when the stakes are high—when the tension is at an 8, 9, or 10 out of 10. And yes, those moments matter. But I’d argue that the biggest opportunity is in the smaller, everyday moments.
Here’s why:
Reps matter. Practicing on “low-stakes” situations builds your comfort and fluency. (Getting comfortable with delivering feedback requires reps!)
Trust builds in small deposits. When you offer thoughtful feedback—even on a “3 out of 10” situation—you’re strengthening the relationship and opening the lines of communication. Use the small moments to build your emotional bank account.
It prevents buildup. It is really easy to skip the small stuff, and sweep things under the rug. Most of us are great at rationalizing why something isn’t that big of a deal. But, the little things don’t actually go away. They just build up.
Feedback fuels growth. When we see feedback as a way to help the people around us get better, it’s clear: we do our team a disservice if we only share it in the big moments and stay quiet in the small ones.
So don’t just wait for the big moments. Look for the 2s, 3s, and 4s. They’re the reps that pay dividends.
Q: What’s the easiest adjustment to make that will improve my feedback?
One word: script.
Writing your feedback out in advance might feel unnatural at first, but it’s the single best way to sharpen it. Why?
You’ll catch unfair or unclear language before it leaves your mouth.
You’ll naturally cut down on over-explaining (which usually comes from nerves).
You’ll end up with feedback that’s short, clear, and kind.
Remember: concise feedback is kind feedback. Writing it out helps you get there.
Wrapping up
Those are three of the questions I’ve heard recently. But of course, they’re not the only ones.
So: What’s your biggest question about feedback? Drop it in the comments.
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