We all feel tension at work. Sometimes it’s interpersonal. Sometimes it’s systemic. And sometimes we’re not even sure where responsibility begins or ends, but we know something isn’t working because we’re experiencing the impact.
That subtle, or not so subtle, friction that tells us something isn’t fully aligned is an important cue to pay attention to.
This week, I saw moments where Elevaters listened to that cue and took action. I also saw moments where the tension was named, but that’s where it stopped. People got stuck. Not sure what to say or what to do. Telling themselves some familiar stories:
“I don’t want to bother anyone with this.”
“I don’t know if it’s that big of a deal.”
“I’ve said something before, and nothing happened, so what’s the point?”
I want to call out these beliefs because we’ve all been there. Ultimately, they keep us stuck in a dynamic where it feels like things are happening to us.
This is what it sounds like to slip into the Victim Mindset.
When we’re in the Victim Mindset, things are happening to us. When we’re in the Creator Mindset, we’re making things happen.
So, What Can We Do?
In the spirit of action, I want to highlight two tools from the Cohd Toolkit that I coach participants to lean on:
1. S.O.S. Feedback
Feedback isn’t about telling someone they’re taking the wrong approach or that their system is bad.
The first step is recognizing that our idea of what is “right” or what “should happen” is just that, a belief. It is not the truth.
When we tell someone they are wrong, it creates defensiveness. When we present our opinion as fact, we set ourselves up for a difficult conversation.
Instead, we focus on owning the impact.
For example:
“When you took X action, I felt frustrated. I really value transparency, and it didn’t feel like that was happening. Are there changes we could make to increase transparency?”
“I felt frustrated.”
“I value transparency.”
That is ownership. That is acknowledging that what we are offering is a perspective, not the truth.
The more attached we are to being right, the more likely we are to blame. And when we show up fixed in our beliefs, we invite the other person to do the same.
2. Perspective Taking
Not all tension is tied to a specific person. Often, we do not even know where the issue originates. Processes and systems span teams and roles, and breakdowns are not always obvious.
This is where perspective-taking comes in.
If we are unclear on who to give feedback to, that is a signal. There is something we do not yet understand. We may have stories about what is happening, but we do not actually know.
Perspective-taking is about asking questions to understand. It requires openness and humility about what we might be missing.
What does this look like in practice?
Identify someone who may have more insight. Share your intent. Name the tension. Then ask questions.
For example:
“Hey Jerry, I was hoping to get your perspective on the onboarding process. I am feeling some tension around not fully understanding my role as a hiring manager, and I have some ideas for how it could improve. But I also know there is a lot I do not see. Could you walk me through how the current process works?”
That acknowledgment, there is a lot I do not see, is key.
It requires a gut check.
“I think this is wrong.”
“I think there is a better way.”
“I think I know the best way.”
Maybe. But when we show up from that place, we are often met with resistance.
Perspective-taking shifts the stance.
“I have thoughts, and there may be something I do not yet understand.”
The Takeaway?
Being an Elevater comes back to personal accountability in so many ways.
Elevating ourselves means looking in the mirror, recognizing what we value, and choosing actions that align with those values.
If I think a process is inefficient, the most inefficient thing I can do is say nothing.
If I value transparency, I have to be willing to share my thoughts.
If I value a Creator Mindset, I need to take steps to build something.
If I want to be met with curiosity and openness, I have to start by being curious and open to the limits of my own perspective.
This is easier said than done.
But this is the unlocking move. The one that has the power to shift the environment we create for ourselves.
